oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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