I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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