the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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