I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this will be a night to untag.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
