I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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