He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
