1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize