She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think people are normalizing furries
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
