Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
