Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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