Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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