I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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