She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
