I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
