do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
