I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
not ubering you a puppy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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