Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize