how can u be prego again
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
