one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
