I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
