Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
