Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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