you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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