I think i peed on brittanys purse
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
