sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
