I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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