I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
