This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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