it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
