I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
