Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
