I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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