you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
