And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I did not marry a roomba.
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