It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
