His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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