the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
