bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
