What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Quick, to the slutcave!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
