she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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