I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
