imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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