Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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