I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize