is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
