I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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