Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
