That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
