i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
