I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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