i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize