so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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