i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
