he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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