he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
