dude i'm inner monologue high
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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