even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
