Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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