What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
