there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
