And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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