I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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