you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
