The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
