there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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