I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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