Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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