I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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