did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i've created a new STD.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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