Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
