pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
