It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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